Joyful Loving

Occupational Challenged Relationship?

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 21:24:00 +0000

Are Your Relationships Occupational Challenged?

Occupational challenges occur in relationship when couples are absent from their homes and partners for extended length of time on a constant basis.

“Does this sound like your life?”

a) Hotel food for days at a time

b) Conversation broken by lost cell signal

c) Lumpy motel beds

· d) Sleeping in stale air in motel rooms

e) Home long enough to sleep only

· f) Missed your child’s first step or first word

· g) Absent for more Christmas’s than home for

· h) Spend Anniversaries apart

· i) Missed your children’s birthdays

· j) Missed children’s special events

· k) Spending time in lounges longing to be in the

comfort of your family

· l) Children question your fit in the family

· m) Conversations become stilted – don’t feel connected

“Home for days off and your feel like a visitor in your own home???”

Would you prefer this life?

· Exciting enthusiastic conversation

· Welcoming home coming

· In-tune with family activities

· Harmony thriving with daily communication

You ask HOW? In The Art of Joy-full Loving seminar, you will learn ways to be with each other - even while apart - that can make these wishes a reality and part ofyour life. Yes, many of the tools can be applied in relationships with children as well as partners.

(Orginally published in The Source Magazine)

Is Sex Fun?

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 21:23:00 +0000

Is Sex Fun?

Are you one of the many people who:

1) Does not enjoy sex?

2) Can’t feel your body’s response to touch?

3) Obsess in reaching the big “O” (orgasm)?

4) Feels ashamed, just wants to please your partner

get it over with?

5) Thinks sexual foreplay is only physical touch?

Foreplay begins in the bedroom?

6) Thinks sex is serious?

Other cultures for many centuries have known the answers to these questions - “of course not”. So why are the majority in the West answering “yes”?

What can you do to change? The answer is Tantra! Tantra is incorporated in a weekend workshop that leads couples in a gentle, safe way learning options that can change all those questions to “no” or “of course not”.(No, there is no nudity, all that is learned in class is practiced by the couples in the privacy of their rooms the evenings of the class –we call it Homeplay!)

What can I do right now you ask?

Many things:

1) Know the brain is the largest sex organ in our bodies – how sexual you think you are is how sexual you will be!

2)Give up the goal of the big “O” and just be in

the moment.

3) Make giving or receiving touch exciting (don’t know

how – come to Tantra)

4) Know that foreplay (for women especially) is not only physical touch. Words of caring, special looks, act of kindness are a few powerful forms of foreplay!

5) Put creativity into being together – do something

new and different for you:

a) dancing in the nude or lightly clad;

b) wearing costumes while eating and take on the role;

c) write out fantasies and take turns reading them to

each other;

d) make a date at an unusual time of day (for your

lifestyle) - create spark, excitement and anticipation.

Yes, Tantra is about having fun! Come and experience Loving 101 a one-day course:

1) Help you understand what form of expression makes you and your partner feel most loved!

2) Explore the many techniques of Romancing!

3) Discover how to bring more Intimacy into your relationship!

This pre-Tantra class is an easy opportunity to become aware of a few of the techniques to create a more fun filled relationship.

(Orginally published in The Source Magazine)

Passionate Goddess Energy

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 21:21:00 +0000

Passionate Goddess Energy for Every Woman

Yes, goddess energy is for every woman, but do you know what goddess energy is, or how to enhance it or use it all parts of your life?

Have you ever felt so very sure of your feminine soft-side? Have you felt totally sensual? Outside of the bedroom? Have you ever had a burst of energy that takes you on a creative journey where you feel Alive? Energized? Peaceful? Fulfilled? Passionate about Life?These are all qualities of this feminine force that we call Shakti (pronounced shock-tea) in Tantra.

Our sensual sexual energy is the same energy as our creative energy and both reside in the energy center just above the pubic bone called the “2nd or sacral charka. We all have a choice on which application we choose in the moment. Or perhaps both at the same time!

Our “Western Sexual Culture” has not allowed the embracing of sexual energy as a necessary force for longevity, physical health, emotional and spiritual well-being like the teachings of Taoist, Chinese, Egyptian, Mayan, East Indians and manymore cultures over the centuries. We are exposed to sexual expression every time we turn on the TV or pick up a magazine. It is well known phrase “sex sells”. Yet, for some reason shame is still attached to sexual expression. Is this a double standard or are we being provoked to have a good look at how to have a healthier, longer life? Is this not the wish of many; the baby boomers, health advocates and all of us . . . a healthier, longer life???

Many women have been taught that bringing out our sexuality is the responsibility of our partners. Do we think our creativity is their responsibility as well? Now, that you understand it is the same energy, does this argument still hold true? I teach the powerful ancient Shakti Bliss Breathing Techniques in my Passion workshops. Many of my students have made testimonials that the daily practice of theShakti Bliss Breathing has enhanced their energy. People often remark on their energy - saying they “glow”.

Is it time for you to increase you awareness of your energy field, embace it, enhance it and use this knowledge moment-to-moment in your dailylife?

Would you like to have people say you glow? What would this do for the level of your charisma? Your life? Your business? Could this attract that special someone into your life? Or create a special "sizzle" in your relationship?

Join me for a Passion class and experience the Exercises of the Ancients to discover, embrace and amplify your Goddess Energy!

(Orginally published in The Source Magazine)

Fun in The Bedroom

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 21:08:00 +0000

Fun in the Bedroom!!!

Does your “bedroom time’ with your intimate partner feel like fun? No? Ever think of introducing play?

Usually fun or play in the bedroom does not happen because:

a) We never thought of it

b) We don’t know how

c) We don’t allow our selves to be totally present

When practicing the Art of Tantra, the Art of Joy-full Loving, experiencing the moment is the focus instead of the big “O” or orgasm of western style of intimate loving. Yes, orgasm is a part of the picture but only a by-product of the experiencing process. Learning to play in an intimate setting when there is no goal is an excellent way to taste the “in the moment flavor” of Tantra.

Let me paint you a picture of what one “fun session” might look like. The object of this fun session is to have the receiver have all their senses expanded and the giver to be as creative in producing as much sensation as possible. This game I call “sense-u-all” fun.

Let’s pretend I am the giver and my partner is the receiver. I have asked my partner if he would like to participate in a game that will take an hour and all he has to do is be with the sensations in his body. No, he is not required to express his feelings. No talking either except feedback - sounds will do.

Earlier, I set up the bedroom to appeal to as many senses as possible. Lovely inviting soft warm light of many candles, sensuous smell from the essential oil burner, relaxing Tantra music (list below) or some that has a subtle beat and the bed is arranged on the diagonal with beach sized towels on top of a special blanket that is attractive to protect in case of spills. Another towel to use for a cover-up even though I have turned the heat up so it is cozy. Beside the bed on a small cloth covered table are some of the sensual surprises for tonight – the rest are in a basket under the table.

The game starts in the bathroom where I invite my partner to experience a scented bath and let someone else doing the washing. Soap is a wonderful slippery, sensuous medium so I add a good back scrub to balance the sensuous strokes the front received. After a quick shower, I hold up a warmed towel and get a big smile, as I know I have permission to proceed. Fast rubbing on the back and definitely slower on the front a sigh lets me know senses are responding. As we enter the bedroom hand in hand my partner comments, “Great mood you have set”.

We sit on the side of the bed discussing the intention and time frame.Coming to agreement, we say out loud - “I agree to 100% present – not in the past or future but right here.” My partner states, “I allow my body and all my senses to come out to play and just receive for 1 hour”. I add, “I allow my creativity to come out and play fully”!

I explain, “One way to assist you to be present is use a soft blind fold so you can’t be distracted by outside stimulation and it heightens the element of intrigue”. “Would you like a back rub to start?” “Yes” my partner replies. “For the time you are face down would you like the blindfold or when you turn over?” The choice is when turned over so I ask that eyes be shut until then - my partner agrees.

Sliding the cloth off the small table to I expose the cool strawberries,massage oil warming in a bowl, a small bowl of ice cream in a second container filled with ice, a glass of liquor, a small amount of tapioca pudding, a group of frozen red globe grapes melting. In the basket below rests a set of silk scarves of different weights, an ostrich feather, a clean sheep skin mitt for washing cars and a slinky piece of fabric.

Anticipating that my partner is expecting warm oil, I pick up the sheepskin mitt and rub it a quick crisscross action down the back to do circles on the buttocks changing to a fairy like touch like down the outside of the leg, strongly up the inside and fairy like down the other leg. Picking up the oil bottle from the bowl of warm water I watch the drips spatter on to my partner’s buttock getting a reaction of surprise. Oh good, now I know my partner is anticipating where I will be next – the game is “a happenin’” and it fires my wish to be more creative. As I massage oil to my partner’s shoulders and down the back, I feel his body relax and absorb the touch. The consistency of the oil changes under the heat of my hands feeling sensuous to my fingers. Yum! Tracing my finger through the oil I do a fast feather stroke up my partners back and underarm hitting some sensitive zones. Changing pace, again, I rub my partner’s back crossways getting faster to the end. Picking up the ostrich feather, I pass it across my partner’s neck, nose – then to the knees. The set up of the bed as it gives me lots of room to sway to my partner’s head and feet. I kneed the buttocks with the tips of my fingers and quickly state, “It is time to turn over”.

The blindfold in place, I comment, “That makes you look like a bad ol’ bandit” and add that flavor to my touch. Running my fingers lightly up my partner’s sides I reach for the chocolate icecream and drip it on to the unsuspecting lips. Mouth opens making a surprised sound and a tongue licks it off – expecting more. I make the next tasty delight a small amount of tapioca pudding on the tips of my fingers – rubbing slowly along the waiting lips. My partner licks and I put my fingers on top of the tongue and follow them in. Laying my fingers on the tongue I move them from side to side and withdraw them slowly. As my partner cleans my fingers slowly, I reach for an ice cube and place it my mouth. With it melting, I allow it to drip as I run my lips over my partner’s chest and tummy. Then lick it off – variety of speeds slow to fast.

I reach for the mitt and polish the just cleaned chest quickly as I warm the glass of liquor in my mouth. Reaching forward I plant my soft pliable lips against my partners and as I get a response I plunge my tongue in letting the liquor spill into warm mouth. My partner sends it back and the game gets yummier! I send it back quickly and break away because we committed to keeping this “just sensual”.

Next a cool strawberry run over the just warmed lips - as my partner bites it I remove the strawberry and run it across the left cheek, nose, and right cheek. Rubbing it off with my finger, I place it on my partner’s lips to have the juice sucked off. My partner nibbles my fingers – yes, it is playtime!

With my other hand I reach for a silk scarf and run it up, down and around my partner’s body. I love the challenge of creating the excitement of touch especially when it is a surprise because of the blindfold. Slowly I drag the heavier scarf over his face and then replace it with the ostrich feather. Silk in one hand and feather in the other, I do a dance of strokes on my partner’s body - I hear a ‘moan”. Then I use both my hands in a light medium speed touch to show the contrast of temperatures between silk, feather and loving touch.

Time to change tempo and peel the grapes that just pop out when melted a little. I drop the grape on my partner’s lips - a surprised “Oh!” and the grape disappears. I trace those lips with another then I nibble the grape juice off. Time for more ice cream and this time I pour some from the bowl in a small steady stream, slowly swaying it from side to side challenging my partner to stay with the sensation.

Sliding the silky cool material over the lower abdomen is next – then down the inner thigh and up. This creates a “sigh”. Love this feedback! I retrace the pattern with my hands changing touch as I go, the body beneath my hands responds. Then quickly I run the silky cloth again over the same pattern and slowly follow the centre of the chest back to the nose. Covering the lower abdomen with the cloth I run my hands over it lightly creating yet another sensation. Grabbing the almost warm oil I move to the feet and massage slowly. A great intake of breathe lets me know that the licking of the second toe has created a sensually zing. As I continue to rub the same toe on the other foot I decide to change feet and choose a different toe to warm with my mouth.

Alas, I have run out of time and not ideas - but my commitment was to give for one hour! Should I ask my partner if longer would be a good idea? No? Leave it for another time? Yes, I decide that would be more exciting. So I remove the blindfold, say the playtime is over and slide in for a hug!

Was that Fun? Yes? In what way would you do something similar? Join in and play the Tantric way of expanding your senses making your world more alive and colorful. From a place of expanded senses it is easier to be romantic, attentive and intimate. I invite you to expand your love past your wildest dreams by joining me for a weekend workshop.

Tantra Music suggestions: The Calling by Oceanic Tantra, Music for Lovers by Steven Halpern, Tantra Heart by Shastro

(Originally published in The Source Magazine)

Romance Every Day!

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 21:11:00 +0000

Experience Romance Every Day!

Each year with Valentine Day celebrations we all think about ROMANCE and most of us wish that it would be as present through out the year.

It wasn’t until I studied Tantra that I understood the real win in romance. Women approach loving from the heart and romance acknowledges this aspect of their being. Romance is also a way to establish trust. For women this is extremely important because they are ultimately going to invite someone into their bodies if this relationship becomes sexual. In a new relationship romance allows a both people to build trust by getting to know how caring, attentive and aware the other is.

Many times the romance dwindles when the relationship becomes long-term.Tantra teaches romantic techniques to keep the “attraction simmering” so focus can be on the whole woman or man and the richness of the relationship and not just the sexual part of their beings. For some men this thought will be new because the physical aspect is all they have been taught.

Can you remember the most romantic experience in your life? Yes! What were the elements or components that make the event so vivid? Remember how you felt because of those things. Ah! When I look back at my experiences they were sprinkled with thoughtfulness and had an element of surprise. My partner always seemed to be in a creative mode putting together an appreciation and/or celebration that was subtle all the way up to flamboyant. Each time I was touched by the romantic action and felt that 100% focus was given to some small detail of who I am. I felt so special and my heart opened. To clarify, lets use the example of the man who buys flowers for his wife,picks out her favorite color and favorite flowers then hands them to her with a look of love on his face and says a few well thought-out words. Compare this to another man who buys red roses without thinking whether she likes roses or if red is her favorite color and gives them to her because it is Valentines Day and that is “what you do” not “why you want to do it”. Which gift of flowers would leave you feeling more romanced?

Men also enjoy romance directed toward them - a special note in their lunch kit or a simple email sent to them at work that says how you feel about them or simply an appreciation of some little thing they did for you or how they are there for you or . . . . ! Many women are surprised to find out how important it is to a man to be appreciated

Do you think your man would like a flower on his plate or pillow or would he like an arrangement sent to him? I remember sending flowers to a lover’s home. He phoned me in tears of awe and joy. He loved flowers and had sent so many but this was his first time to receive.

As you know, it is the little things and the thought that counts. Receiving romance is an excellent way for a partner to learn to romance. What list of little things could you do to spread romance though out 2003?Learning Tantra could expand your idea of romance, taking your relationship to new and exciting heights.

(As orginally published in The Source Magazine, Dec 2002)

YIN and YANG - Freeing The Way To Joy

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 21:13:00 +0000

YIN AND YANG – Freeing the Way to Joy

“Tantric theory advances co-operative, mutually liberative relationships between women and men.”

Passionate Enlightenment by Miranda Shaw

Yinand Yang, two words that have wandered into our vocabulary from theChinese philosophy representing the many elements of the female andmale principles of the universe. Yin principleis described as intuition, softness or yielding, absence of light,passive and receiving. While Yang principle represents hardness orstrength, presence of light, action and giving. Thesymbol of the circle with an “S” dividing it (as above) and the twodots (I see as acceptance of the opposite) represents these principlesin prefect balance.

Theword balance is nothing new to all of us in the year 2002, but have youever thought of applying the concept to your kisses, touch or otherareas of your intimate relationship?

Tantra masters of ancient India had a theory that one could not fully, consciously receive, or give if they were giving or receiving at the same time. When I first heard this I thought ~ “Is that possible?” Are you asking yourself the same thing? Test it out and try the following adventure!

1. Ask your partner to listen to all the steps

2. Decide who will be the first receiver and who will be the first person to do the kissing – proceed

3. When you are receiving – do just that as totally as you can by living in the feel of it in the moment

4. Now switch roles by adding in a short in and out breathe pause at the change – this allows the sensation to expand and cue the other person

5. Introduce all the different pressures you can think of

6. Change roles

7. Combine with the 7 different types of kisses (can’t get 7 – come to tantra class)

8. Keep changing roles

What did the changing between receiving and giving create? Did you become more aware of anything ~ what? Was this different than your usual kisses ~ in what way? Do you feel that both giving and receiving are equally important? Did theadventure feel like true partnership – an equal arrangement?

This Yin and Yang concept can be applied to everyday interaction in all relationships. When one adopts the theory of Yin and Yang, then giving and receiving builds equality. Many people rule their lives by winning or control where the other person involved feels less than and/or controlled.

What about taking action in a situation? As one person takes action or Yang position and the other openly accepts the Yin position ~ the energy in the situation changes. When both know the importance of the action of stillness or receiving, an awareness happens and the energy of acceptance for self and the other person flows. Coupled with this is the knowing that roles continuously change and each is of equal importance. As acceptance of the importance of Yin happens ~ flow, creativity and joy have room to grow.

Tantra draws on the Yin and Yang principle in all areas of intimacy ~ kissing,touch and sexuality and the result is greater closeness, more awareness, heightened romance, more fun and much more joy!

(As published in The Source Magazine)

Intimacy - Do You Sabotage It?

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 21:14:00 +0000

Do You Sabotage Intimacy?

Intimacy is something that most of us are searching for and yet sabotage unknowingly. When intimacy disappears we are upset and often feel the other person is withholding from us. Have you ever had that experience?

One example I can give you is something I experienced lately. I was waiting for a friend to appear for a Reiki session and had a cup of tea waiting in case a settling time was needed. When I asked, “Do you want a cup of tea?” there was a hesitation and the “sure” was the answer. The tea did not seem to be disappearing fast and I was waiting for the indication it was time to go to the session room. When we finally started the session I was told that they were upset and they had a time frame for the evening. When I checked into my feelings, I felt like I was passively controlled and “set-up”.

Later as I pondered over the evening, I realized I could have asked what the feeling was when there was a hesitation about the tea. Or I could have said, “Do you feel you need a settling time and tea or should we just get started?” Of course, the other person could have shared how they were feeling when I asked about the tea. Sharing feelings is not the way most people have a habit of speaking.

When intimacy is wanted and the two people in relationship do not express their feelings the result is deadness and/or pain.

I listen to requests for more intimacy in relationship in my sexual and emotional coaching practice. One couple said, “We used to be so connected when we were first married and there was so much aliveness.” They had let the pressures of life - parenthood and long working hours rob them of the time and desire to speak from their feelings. The disconnection was painful for both.

Another trap I have seen many fall into is “assuming” that the other person is tired or not feeling up because they are quiet. Or waiting for the other person to tell us how they are feeling without asking. Making decisions on an assumption is the pathway to failure. This is another method of control. We truly are unable to read people all the time and should make a practice of asking not assuming we know at all. The quiet careful consideration of another made on assumption is one of greatest acts of sabotage.

Many times I have heard, “My husband or my wife wants more intimacy – how do I do this?” Speaking from feelings is a very vulnerable place for someone whose feelings were squashed or disregarded as a child. For these couples I encourage them to attend a Tantra/JoyfulLoving class and learn the many non-verbal connection techniques that establish a safe place in a relationship to start exploring speaking their feelings.

Whena person is speaking from their feelings there is no right or wrong - feelings are totally personal - no one can tell you how you are feeling. Instead try totally listening without judgment and feed backto the other person what you heard. Sometimes all feelings want is to be heard. A judgment of someone else’s feelings is the third common act of sabotage. When feelings are judged the safety and kindness disappear. After several acts of judgment it takes incredible courage to keep speaking from your feelings. I teach a very special breathing technique to help people to find personal power that fuels this special courage needed for approaching intimacy. These techniques are part of the Passion class for women and Male Mastery for men.

If you want more intimacy – look closely at how you are relating and see if you are sabotaging yourself by:

a) Not expressing your feelings

b) Assuming what someone else is feeling

c) Judging emotions or feelings of another

We all have the ability to achieve what we desire - starting with self-awareness. Acquiring new tools just makes the process that much easier and faster. Join mein my classes and learn tools to assist intimacy for creation of more JOY!

(As published in The Source Magazine)